Hypocrisy at Harvard

Animal rights activists, feminists and other “do good” liberal groups at Harvard University abandon their “noble quests” during a finals’ week striptease extravaganza. Nearly three hundred of the best and brightest liberals of tomorrow witnessed a shocking display of masculine impropriety within the school’s Science Center, yet not one call was placed to DNC headquarters or CNN to complain.

According to The Crimson Online, one of several college newspapers on campus, 13 of Harvard’s hottest men participated in the second annual Mr. Harvard Pageant on May 13th. Contestants – or “mindless puppets on display” as liberals would normally refer to them – were judged and scored on their talents, swimwear and formal-wear presentations.  

Although feminists balk at similar grotesque showcases when women are paraded across the stage – Miss America, Miss Teen USA – apparently Harvard feminists have no objection when it comes to objectifying and degrading men. Some male competitors, succumbing to the pressures of modern day society, resorted to partial nudity and sexually explicit behavior in order to gain favor with judges and audience members. The Crimson Online reports one competitor, “…pranced down the aisle wearing only clear tape and sparsely-distributed red rose-petals during the swimsuit competition.” Meanwhile, another contestant strut his stuff in front of the packed house wearing a swim-diaper, pacifier and floaties.

Can you imagine the backlash if these “competitors” were women instead of men? If a woman resorted to wearing clear tape or sucking on a pacifier to gain the approval of her peers, the National Organization of Women would be holding a press conference to address the lingering ills of male chauvinism. Although such demeaning portrayals of women elicit outrage from feminists, apparently cries of indecency are silent when men are degraded in a similar fashion. Call me America’s first “masculinist,” but I take offense to men being portrayed as babies and having to show some skin for points. The hypocrisy of Crimson feminists is evident. 

But Harvard’s double-standard doesn’t stop there. Some of Harvard’s “hunks” felt they needed assistance in order to take home the crown. Audience participation was redefined when one contestant had to be removed from the stage while showcasing his highly perfected talent of lap dancing with an audience member. Now, had this member of the gallery been an irritable liberal, we would have expected a court case resulting from this shocking and obscene display of “sexual harassment,” but there was no lawsuit filed.

At the same time, animal rights activists on campus were uncharacteristically quiet despite numerous students who took advantage of nature’s creatures during the Mr. Harvard competition. The Crimson Online reports one competitor employed the aid of a gorilla to escort him down the aisle during the formal-wear portion of the show, while another Harvard hottie was accompanied by a dog. Where’s the outrage? PETA holds protests when mice and monkeys are forced to wear lipstick in a science laboratory but exploiting a four-legged fur-ball during a freak show of testosterone goes without a word. To be fair, the college newspaper did interview a member of the audience who was unsettled by what she saw. “Parts were kind of traumatizing. It was very wild…[but] most of [the performers] were pretty sexy – they got really creative. The talents were pretty amazing,” the Ivy League student articulated.   

So what can conservatives take away from this year’s Mr. Harvard competition? First of all, we need no longer fear or worry about left-wing protests during beauty pageants. Let those tall, blonde, busty buxoms parade across the stage wearing nothing but pasties on top and a thong down below. During formal-wear competitions, all contestants should break-out their luxurious fur coats, and sheep shearing should now be considered a talent. Most importantly, the women who enter in these pageants need to show unwavering confidence that what they’re doing is beyond reproach.  In fact, the winner of this year’s Mr. Harvard competition (who happens to be the contestant who wore a swim-diaper, pacifier and floaties) offered The Crimson Online valuable insight as to how one should feel after partaking in such an event, “I just wanted to bring pride to my house.”

The newspaper also notes that the contest raised roughly $1,200 for the Cambridge Student Partnership – an organization that provides social services to the local homeless and low-income individuals. This point just goes to prove, as long as the cause is “worthy,” liberals aren’t afraid to let the good times roll! Apparently, hypocrisy isn’t hypocrisy if hypocrisy is heartfelt.