Conservative Comedian Monologues the Oscars and Rahmbo

All sorts of history was made this week at the Academy Awards with Kathryn Bigelow becoming the first woman to ever win the “best director” award.  That is, if you don’t count Woody Allen.

Hurt Locker also set a record as the lowest grossing “best picture” of all time.  Which is kind of ironic since the film was all about disposing of bombs.

Another interesting sidebar is that Bigelow was married to Avatar director, James Cameron for two years, which makes that the longest lasting marriage in Hollywood history.

I saw an interview with best supporting actress winner Mo’nique in her dressing room which is coincidentally enough, also known in the business as, “the hurt locker.”

Has it ever struck you how the Hollywood award season is kind of like a woman aging?  It starts with the Golden Globes, goes to the SAG awards and finishes with Grammy’s.

My favorite of these shows is the country music awards.  Everyone goes home happy.  The winner gets a trophy and the others get to write another hit song about being a loser.

Democrat Representative Eric Massa said that Rahm Emanuel is so evil that he would strap his child to the front of a train if it would get him one more vote.  I can’t believe that.  I mean trains?  Don’t they contribute to global warming?

Massa says that he was attacked by Emanuel in the gym when both men were “naked as a jay bird,” or, in other words, the two men had it out together.

Massa also recounted another time where Emanuel called him on the phone and berated him with all sorts of vulgar language – giving Emanuel the nickname seedy Rahm.

Emanuel denies having done anything wrong, claiming he was only approaching Massa in the gym as part of his research into “Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell” policy.

Acting on the rumor that American Taliban, Adam Gadahn was in custody in Karachi, the Obama administration leaked that interrogation of Gadahn was delayed pending the arrival of  the flowers and candy.

There was a one million dollar reward on his Gadahn, or, as they call a million dollars in Karachi, Karachi. 

A new study shows that, while manmade global warming is a fraud, there has been an increase in the earth’s temperatures over the past year as the Obama administration continues to print money hot off the presses.

And the economy is so bad that even the casinos in Vegas are facing hard times.  In fact, because of truth in advertising laws, Steve Wynn has just had to change his last name.

Things are so bad in Vegas that now even the black jack tables are known as crap tables.

You know the economy is bad when it’s the casino that calls “all in.”