The Ignoble Nobels

It’s that time of year again. The winner of this year’s Nobel Peace Prize is expected to be announced Friday morning. Recall that this “honor” has been bestowed on such suspicious fellows, including the Palestinian terrorist Yasser Arafat, the climate huckster Al Gore, the disgraced U.N. leader Kofi Annan, the second worst president in modern American history, Jimmy Carter, and the dude who is shaping up to be the worst president in modern American history, Barack Obama. 

Thus, in anticipation of tomorrow’s Peace Prize announcement, HUMAN EVENTS has assembled a list of possible candidates whose accomplishments and moral compass follow in the “august” footsteps of past winners. 

Are you ready? 

Eliot Spitzer

The former governor of New York and Client No. 9. His extramarital sex rompings, the choking of prostitutes, him targeting Wall Street, and a show on CNN all have the Committee amped up. 

Hugo Chavez

The Venezuelan dictator.  In general, dictators are fast tracked to the top of the Peace Prize list, but shutting down opposition media and nationalizing oil companies are what really have made Chavez stand out from his peers. 

LeBron James

Heat fans have other things on their mind than LeBron’s dunks.

The NBA basketball super star.  His hour-long telecast on where he’d play next, dubbed “The Decision,” did what Barack Obama has also been able to do: Get most of the country to think he’s a giant jerk. Which has the Nobel Committee doing the exact opposite: Embracing LeBron with a collective wet kiss. 

Pol Pot

The infamous Cambodian Communist leader. The award will be considered to be given posthumously, since, after all, Pol Pot was a Marxist leader who killed millions of freedom-loving people. That’s peace, leftist-style. 

Mazlan Othman

The Malaysian scientist who is now the U.N.’s ambassador to the alien world. Seriously. So when the Mars Attacks! dudes land on planet earth, Ms. Othman will fend off the robots by waving her Norwegian plaque. All I can picture is this guy, showing up and looking quite unpleased:

Welcome to Earth?

Joe Biden

Our beloved VPOTUS. He desperately wants the Peace Prize because, in his words, it would be “a big Fuc*i#ng deal.” 

Katy Perry

The pop music sensation. Perry almost got Sesame Street to air a clip of her popping cleave while singing with Elmo. This brought joy to the hearts of millions of toddlers & stay at home dads. 

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

The Iranian thug leader. Building secret nuclear reactors, pining over the destruction of Israel, and hosting powwows with the New Black Panther Party, means that Mr. Ahmadinejad is a shoo-in for the Peace Prize. 

Imam Feisal Rauf

The brainchild of the Ground Zero Mosque. In this instance, building a monster mosque in the place where Islamists murdered thousands of Americans wasn’t even Rauf’s major selling point to the Committee; his refusal to call Hamas a terrorist organization was what caught their attention. 

Michael Moore

The most popular faux documentarian. It’s no surprise that he looks like he takes a bath in hot dogs. It’s that Moore scripts multi-million dollar hit pieces on capitalism while raking in millions of dirty capitalist dough himself. That’s the type of hypocrisy the Nobel Peace Prize Committee can’t live without! 

Who are your favorites for tomorrow’s prize?