Obama to America: Sell Your SUVs, You Fat Refrigerated Slobs


President Obama is brimming with useful advice for those who can’t figure out how to survive in the marvelous new America he has created.  This goes all the way back to the 2008 campaign, when his advice for dealing with the fuel shortage his critics accurately predicted he would cause was as follows:

“Making sure your tires are properly inflated is a simple thing.  But could we save all the oil that they’re talking about getting off drilling, if everybody was just inflating their tires?  And getting regular tune-ups?   You’d actually save just as much!”

Further wisdom along these lines was dispensed at a different campaign event, when Obama told us that in the dilapidated sustainable shack on a hill he envisioned, “we can’t drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees all the time, and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK.”

Both the President and other countries still think you should get your flabby, refrigerated butt out of that SUV.  Hopping out of his lavishly appointed armored limousine to give a speech on energy at a wind farm in Pennsylvania yesterday, the President told a concerned citizen, “If you’re complaining about the price of gas and you’re only getting 8 miles per gallon… you might want to think about a trade-in.” 

This was intended to be a laugh line, because of course Americans who drive vehicles with poor gas mileage, and are not powerful liberal politicians, have no right to an opinion about rising gas prices.  It’s funny that they would open their big fat gas guzzling mouths at all.  Reminder: the price of gas when Barack Obama took office was about $1.87 per gallon.

Incidentally, the wind farm he was speaking at is owned by Gamesa Technology Corporation.  That’s a Spanish company.  According to the local paper, the Altoona Mirror, it’s situated on “the former U.S. Steel Works site” in Fairless, Pennsylvania.  The wind farm bestows 800 “green” jobs on America.  At its peak, the steel works had 8,000 employees.  No, I’m not making this up.  You can’t make this stuff up.

Anyway, the concerned citizen in question, Gamesa assembly worker Jerry Holt, explained to our wise guru of diminished American life that he can’t really trade in that SUV (actually, he owns two of them) because he’s got ten children.  “Ten kids you say?  Ten kids?  Well, you definitely need a hybrid van then,” Obama instructed him.

By a remarkable coincidence, Government Motors is planning to roll out a minivan version of the Chevy Volt, which is one of the most expensive disasters in automotive history – millions in subsidies to produce a car that had sold less than a thousand units as of March 2011.  The best selling hybrid vans and SUVs start at over $40,000.  I don’t know if Jerry Holt, and other parents with sizable families, have eighty grand available to plunk down on the equipment necessary for life in Obama’s America, but they’d better find it, fast.  Maybe Holt could save money by purchasing only one hybrid minivan, and strapping excess children to the roof. 

These are not concerns for the elevated mind of the Sage of Decline, for Barack Obama will never stuff his family into a hybrid minivan.  His presidency is all about changing your life.  The process is well under way.  Stop pining for the old days of prosperity and freedom, do what he says, and everything will be fine.

Update: Rush Limbaugh mentioned on his show today that the Associated Press actually scrubbed the Obama quotes I referenced above from its story about his appearance in Pennsylvania.  My friend Jim Treacher at the Daily Caller hits the undelete button here.  

This all comes on the very day that I posted an essay about how the Left no longer controls public memory.  Sometimes, you just get lucky.

Dear Associated Press: scrubbing embarrassing Obama quotes from your stories will SO not work.