How to Get An ObamaCare Waiver


People around the country were excited to learn that our benevolent masters in the Obama Administration chose to grant another two hundred indulgences from the ObamaCare disaster last month.  It’s strange that the Department of Health and Human Services chose to post the names of the latest lucky winners without making a big announcement.  They just kind of tossed the list on their website and hoped no one would notice it.  Of course, conservative bloggers found it right away.  We love to celebrate the good fortune of others.  

The royal court has now issued 1,372 exemptions from ObamaCare.  You may be asking yourself: “How can I get one of these valuable waivers?”  Based on the waivers granted thus far, I’ve prepared this helpful guide.

1. Join a labor union: The waiver list reads like a “who’s who” of Big Labor organizations.  Membership in a huge collectivist organization that owns a big chunk of the Democrat Party is a great way to escape the crushing burden of ObamaCare.  The President isn’t foolish enough to subject his most valued political allies to his “brilliant” health care reforms!

2. Work for a huge corporation: Jack-in-the-Box, Cracker Barrel, Ruby Tuesday’s, Waffle House… these are among the most recognizable names of corporate waiver winners.  Who would have guessed that restaurant chains were so much more competent to manage their own health care plans than the rest of America?  Many other waiver recipients are industrial concerns with thousands of employees.  Relief from ObamaCare’s staggering costs will provide them with a competitive advantage worth millions.  Small businesses are for chumps!

3. Work for a health care company: Quite a few of these exemptions go to the health care industry and pharmaceutical companies.  Remember the mid-90s, when drug companies were hives of malevolent evil, denounced repeatedly by Hillary Clinton – who felt so badly about her previous association with these villains that she short-sold her pharmaceutical stocks?  Well, forget about all that.  The past is a strange place, and we cannot live there.

4. Work for the government: State and local governments get plenty of ObamaCare waivers.  You’re in luck – they’re always expanding, even during brutal recessions with high private-sector unemployment.  Meanwhile, back in December, the Obama Administration declared it would ignore legislation designed to force Congressional representatives and their staff to live under ObamaCare, until the big state-run health care exchanges are up and running in 2014.  If you were smart enough to join the ruling class, you’d have your waiver already!

5. Open a luxurious boutique in Nancy Pelosi’s district: Fully 20% of the latest ObamaCare waivers go to luxury businesses that happen to be located in the district represented by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi.  Among the favored enterprises are Parisian cafés good enough to catch the discriminating eye of an International Monetary Fund honcho, and restaurants that sell $59 porterhouse steaks.  You can escape from ObamaCare without compromising your fabulous lifestyle, provided you have the right political representation.

6. Live in Nevada, New Hampshire, or Maine: These three wonderful states have been granted special exemptions from many of ObamaCare’s provisions.  The waiver for Harry Reid’s Nevada just came through this week.  It was granted because treating them like one of the lesser 47 states “may lead to the destabilization of the individual market,” according to the Department of Health and Human Services.  Enjoy your ObamaCare disaster, un-favored states!

I hope this guide proves useful in your quest to maintain some semblance of individual liberty and quality health care.  Good luck!