The week that was

“When all else fails there’s always delusion.” 
– Conan O’Brien

The only thing Hollywood types care about more than being tolerant of non-Christian religions is being tolerant of any and all things gay. Somehow word got ’round Rodeo Drive that the small oil country of Brunei has enacted “a new set of Islamic laws…that include death by stoning for homosexuals and adulterers.” In a tragic twist of fate, the famous Beverly Hills Hotel is owned by the Sultan of Brunei. Moviestars now have no choice but to stay in their own million dollar mansions and attend Lakers games. The end of the world must be nigh.

There were some primaries this week. Republican ???voters seem determined to nominate candidates who can win.” Maybe they should try voting for said candidates.

Michelle Obama tried to bring back the Hashtag Diplomacy movement. She failed to realize that the hashtag phenomenon is only effective in a virtual world, and instead posed for photo of herself holding a cue card with the phrase “#BringBackOurGirls” written on it. The first lady is also apparently trying simultaneously to bring back the “duck face” trend.

Lois Lerner is being held in contempt by Congress. Maybe some day soon she’ll be held in shackles.

“Johnny Football,” star quarterback from Texas A&M, was chosen by the Cleveland Browns as the 22nd pick in the NFL draft at Radio City Music Hall in New York on Thursday. He celebrated by crashing a house party at Julliard.

Teresa Mull is the managing editor of Human Events.